Why Do Chinese Students Only Mingle with Themselves?

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The assignment is writing a critique about an article. Attached below: 
1- The article Why Do Do Chinese Students Only Mingle with Themselves?, which the critique essay is about.
2- My draft and the professor’s comments on it. 
3- A sample that follows the structure. 

Here are the instructions/ struction for the assignment:

I. Before you write, you may want to plan your essay.

  • to summarize Liu’s article
    • break it down into sections (Each stage of thought might be one or more paragraphs.)
    • for each section, write 1-2 sentences summarizing the section (Generalize or omit details.)
    • write one sentence that summarizes the author’s conclusion (This is the author’s thesis and may or may not be explicit in the original text.)
  • to  write your summary  (which I will not be collecting separately). Remember your summary must be
    • clear — be easily understood. Be sure to use a variety of attributive verbs in the present tense to indicate that these ideas belong to the author.
    • accurate – not have any  new ideas or details 
    • brief — be at most 1/4 the original
    • complete — include all the author’s main points 
    • objective — be neutral.  Readers of the summary should not be able to guess your opinion.
  • to plan the rest of your essay
    • introduction– This should set the context and narrow to your thesis
    • evaluation — Here you should assess Liu’s essay.  Are her claims supported? her examples compelling ?
    • response -  Here you should support your opinion, stated in the introduction. Do you agree with Liu?  You need not discuss all parts of Liu’s essay, simply the one that you feel most strongly about (& that will result in a unified essay).  You may want to add a few related details to the summary for coherence.

II.  Before (and after) you write your essay, you may want to outline your summary critique.  Explain each section in a single sentence (either a thesis or a topic sentence). 

  1. Introduction
    1. Context
    2. Your Thesis
  2. Summary (brief, clear, accurate, complete & objective)
    1. Liu’s thesis
    2. Her main  supports
  3. Critique
    1. Evaluation 
      1. Criticism 1
      2. Criticism 2
      3. (Criticism 3)
    2. Response 
      1. Point of (dis)agreement 1
      2. Point of (dis)agreement 2
      3. (Point of (dis)agreement 3)
  4. Conclusion
  5. Works Cited (You can do this in advance